I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
