is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
