I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
