She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
