gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
