I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
