I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
