I want you more than these girls want KFC
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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