I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
