who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
