i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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