i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
