ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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