I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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