so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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