anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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