you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
