Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
