at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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