i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
