I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Randomize
