I just saw a hot homeless man
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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