so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
