Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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