rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
