Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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