it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
