I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
