so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
