When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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