Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
