i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
