I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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