idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
