her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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