We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
