he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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