he thought i was a dude.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
