I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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