I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
