I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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