Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

Fav 8 1822 1581
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(856): View more from New Jersey

a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

Fav 9 1753 2546
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(952): View more from Minnesota

You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

Fav 10 2535 4090
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

Fav 12 4294 1832
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.

Fav 6 1418 784
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.

Fav 16 1265 1313
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(410): View more from Maryland

If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.

Fav 4 1246 795
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip

Fav 0 386 184
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(727): View more from Florida

Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.

Fav 0 54 19
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