I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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