You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I touched a dick in church today
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
