If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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