I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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