We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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