He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my shit smells like andre
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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