lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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