Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and she was petting her beer can
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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