I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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