I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I deserve this hangover.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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