I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bring me that man meat
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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