I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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