i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
