well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
