Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
