Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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