Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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