The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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