i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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