At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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