she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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