i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a beard to bite.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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