Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
