Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
