Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
