How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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