i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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