Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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