Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
