your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
