I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
