forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
