Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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