First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
