mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
