I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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